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1、JOKE 1 Ali,who was working a long way from home,wanted to send a letter to his wife ,but he could neither read nor write,and he had to work all day,so he could only look for somebody to write his letter late at night. At last he found the house of a letter-writer whose name was Nasreddin. Nasreddin
2、was already in bed. It is late, he said. What do you want? I want you to write a letter to my wife, said Ali. Nasreddin was not pleased. He thought for a few seconds and then said, Has the letter got to go far? What does that matter? answered Ali. Well, my writing is so strange that only I can read
3、it , and if I have to travel a long way to read your letter to your wife , it will cost you a lot of money.Ali went away quickly.JOKE 2 An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course
4、,when that happened,all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles. My money has finished and my friends have gone, said the young man. What will happen to me now? Dont worry, young m
5、an, answered Nasreddn. Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier. The young man was very glad. Am I going to get rich again then? he asked Nasreddin. No, I didnt mean that, said the old man. I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no
6、friends.JOKE 3 When Mr Jones went to a restaurant one day,he left his coat near the door. There was nothing in the pockets of the coat when he left it, so he was very surprised when he took his coat after his meal and found the pockets full of jewellery! There was a waiter near the door, so Mr Jones
7、 said to him, somebody has made a mistake. He has put some jewellery in my coat. Take it, and when he comes back, give it to him. The waiter took it and went away. Suddenly another man came in with a coat just like Mr Joness. I am sorry, said this man. I made a mistake. I took your coat and you have
8、 got mine. Please give me my coat and jewellery. Mr Jones answered, I gave the jewellery to the waiter. He will give it to you. Mr Jones called the manager of the restaurant; but the manager said, We have no waiters here. We only have waitresses. You gave the jewellery to a thief! shouted the other
9、man. I shall call the police! Mr Jones was frightened and paid the man a lot of money for the jewellery.JOKE 4 A man was travelling abroad in a small red car. One day he left the car and went shopping. When he came back, its roof was badly damaged. Some boys told him that an elephant had damaged it.
10、 The man did not believe them, but they took him to a circus which was near there. The owner of the elephant said, I am very sorry! My elephant has a big, round, red chair. He thought that your car was his chair,and he sat on it! Then he gave the man a letter, in which he said that he was sorry and
11、that he would pay for all the damage. When the man got back to his own country, the customs officers would not believe his story. They said, You sold your new car while you were abroad and bought this old one! It was only when the man showed them the letter from the circus man that they believed him
12、.JOKE 5Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing, another man passed in the street. He stopped and said, Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it. He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it
13、at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree. Nasreddin said nothing. He thought, This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do. The man continued on his way. Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin f
14、ell with it. My God! he cried. That man knows the future! and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.JOKE 6 It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone bell rang and Mary went to answer it. Hullo, whos that: she asked. Its me-Peter. Peter was a friend of
15、 Marys eight-year-old brother, Johnny. Oh, hullo, Peter. What do you want? said Mary. Can I speak to Johnny? No, said Mary, you cant speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes
16、 on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, Ive got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.JOKE 7 Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi. One of the ladies said, Taxis are terribly exp
17、ensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing. Yes, said the other lady, and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady, Can you see an as
18、htray in this taxi? There isnt one on my side. No, said the other, there isnt one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why havent you got one? The driver, Who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered, Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet-I have a servant who com
19、es in and cleans three days in the week!JOKE 8 Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market. At midday it was very hot, so he stopped in the shade of a big tree. There were several other men there, and all of them had donkeys and baskets of grapes too. After their lunch t
20、hey went to sleep. After some time, Nasreddin began to take grapes out of the other mens baskets and to put them in his. Suddenly one of the men woke up and saw him. What are you doing? he said angrily. Oh, said Nasreddin, dont worry about me. I am half mad, and I do a lot of strange things. Oh,real
21、ly? said the other man. Then why dont you sometimes take grapes out of your baskets and put them in somebody elses baskets? You did not understand me, said Nasreddin. I said that I was half mad, not quite mad.JOKE 9 There was a big garden near Nasreddins house, and it had a lot of fruit trees in it.
22、 One day Nasreddin saw some beautiful apples on one of them. He went home and got a ladder, put it against the high wall of the garden. Just then a gardener came round a corner and saw him. What are you doing here? he shouted. Nasreddin thought quickly and them said, I am selling my ladder. Selling
23、your ladder? In somebody elses garden? Do you think I believe such a stupid story? said the gardener and came towards Nasreddin with a stick. It is my ladder, said Nasreddin, and I can sell it where I like. You neednt buy it if you dont want to. And he took his ladder and climbed over the wall again
24、.JOKE 10 Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something white in his garden. It seemed to be moving towards the house. That is a thief! he thought, and he took his gun and shot at him. Then he went back to bed, because he was too frightened to go out of the house in dark. The next mo
25、rning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging on the clothes-line in the garden. His wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry. Now it had a bullet-hole right through the middle of it. My God, said Nasreddin, I was lucky last night. If I had been wearing that shirt,
26、 the bullet would have killed me! And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.JOKE 11A judge was working in his room one day when a neighbour ran in and said, If one mans cow kills anothers, is the owner of the first cow responsible? It depends, answered the judg
27、e. Well, said the man, your cow has killed mine. Oh, answered the judge. Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a man, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either. I am sorry, Judge, said the man. I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours. The j
28、udge thought for a few seconds and then said, When I think it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first. And then he turned to his clerk and said, Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you.JOKE 12 When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so hi
29、s father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do. One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddins donkey began to slip, so his father said, That sack
30、 is nearly in the water! Press down hard on it! His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do. He pressed down on the sack and it went under the water. Of course, the flour was lost. What have you done, Nasreddin? his fath
31、er shouted angrily. Well, Father, said Nasreddin, this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.JOKE 13Nasreddin had lost his donkey. He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily. One of his ne
32、ighbours saw him and said, Hullo, Nasreddin. What are you doing? I am looking for my donkey, answered Nasreddin. Dont you know where it is? asked the neighbour. No, I dont. Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad. Yes, that is quite true, answered Nasreddi
33、n. But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost. My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there. If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!JOKE 14 One winter Nasreddin had very little money. His crops had been very bad that year, and he had t
34、o live very cheaply. He gave his donkey less food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, The donkey was used to eating a lot. Now he is quickly getting used to eating less; and soon he will get used to living on almost nothing. Each day Nasreddin gave the donke
35、y a little less food, until it was hardly eating anything. Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died. How unlucky I am, said Nasreddin. Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.J
36、OKE 15 Nasreddins wife was very ill, and at last she died. After a few months, Nasreddin married again. His new wife was a widow. Exactly seven days after he married her, she had a boy. Nasreddin at once hurried away to the market and bought some pager, some pencils, some pens and some childrens boo
37、ks. Then he hurried back home again with these things and put them beside the baby. His new wife was surprised. What are you doing? she said. The baby wont be able to use those things for a long time. Why are you in such a hurry? Nasreddin answered, You are quite wrong, my dear. Our baby is not an o
38、rdinary baby. It came in seven days instead of nine months, so it will certainly be ready to learn to read and write in a few weeks from now.JOKE 16 One of Nasreddins neighbours had been abroad for many years, and during that time he had traveled in many strange places. When he came back home after
39、many years, his old friends and neighbours listened to the old mans stories about foreign countries and strange people, and found them very interesting. Do you know, the old man said, in one country which I visited where the climate is very hot all the year, nobody wears any clothes at all! Nasreddi
40、n loved a joke, so he said at once, Oh, is that so?Then how do you know whether somebody is a man or a woman in that country?JOKE 17 Some of Nasreddins old friends were talking about the young people in their town. They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people. Then one of the old men
41、 said, But young men are stronger than old men. All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin. He said, No. I am as strong now as when I was a young man. What do you mean? said his friends. How is that possible? Explain yourself! Well, said Nasreddin, in one corner of my field there is a r
42、ock. When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldnt because I was not strong enough. I am an old man now, and when I try to move it ,I still cannot.JOKE 18 One day a beautiful young lady went to a famous artist and said, I want you to paint a picture of me. How much will it cost? Fiv
43、e hundred pounds, said the artist. Oh? said the lady. That is a lot of money. Then she thought that, as she had a very beautiful body, the artist might be happy to paint her picture more cheaply if she wore no clothes while he was painting it. So she said, And how much will it cost if you paint me w
44、ithout any clothes on? The artist thought for a moment. One thousand pounds, he then said. But I shall have to keep my socks on, because my feet get cold; and I shall have to wear something to put my brushes in.JOKE 19Henry and Mary had just got married, and everybody was enjoying their wedding part
45、y. There was plenty to eat and plenty to drink, and everybody was getting very merry, when a very thin, very young man came into the room. He looked at Mary sadly and accusingly, walked slowly towards her, kissed her lovingly and said, Why did you do it? Then he walked to the door and disappeared. N
46、obody had ever seen the young man before-not even Mary.JOKE 20 The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But Johns brother had
47、joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boys family name, so when he saw Johns papers, he was surprised. How old are you? he said. Eighteen, sir, said John. But your brother was eighteen, too, said the doctor. Are you twins? Oh, no sir, said John, and his face went red. My brother is five months older than I am.JOKE 21One day a big ship hit a smaller ship while they were both gong from England to America. The smaller ship was