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1、Book One,Unit 2,Book One,Content,Warming-up,Reading,Writing,Text A,Text B,Book One,Warming-up,Book One,Watch this talk show program and discuss in what ways the friendships between mens friendship and womens are different.,Book One,1. Questions: 1) Who do you prefer to chat with, people of your own
2、gender or the opposite gender? Is your best friend of your own gender? 2) Do you have any difficulty in communicating with people of the opposite gender? 3) Have you noticed any similarities or differences between your ways of communicating with your boy friends and girl friends? 2. Each group appoi
3、nt one representative to give a presentation about the groups discussion.,Group discussion,Book One,WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MEN AND WOMEN TO TALK TO EACH OTHER? Deborah Tannen,Book One,ReadingText A,Text Study,Main Idea & Structure,Sentence Analysis,Language Points,Book One,Main Idea and Structure,Fir
4、st reading: Scan the text and try to catch the main idea. The following words are for your reference to organize the idea: Communication crisis，in public, at home, childhood socializtion, norms, expectation, cross-cultural communication, accept, understand,Second reading: read the passage again and
5、try to identify the structure of this passage.,For your reference,For your reference,Book One,This article focuses on the communication crisis in marriage, and analyze the reasons behind it. It finds that due to the difference in childhood socializtion men and women have different interactive norms
6、and expectation. And these difference make male-female talk like cross-cultural communication. To solve this problem, both men and women need to accept the difference and try to understand each other.,Main Idea,Book One,Structure,A small episode of the crisis,Para. 6-18,The sound of silence,Main ide
7、a: Men tend to talk More in public situations than at home. Lack of communication has become a crisis in marriage.,Main idea: Male-female communication is like cross-cultural communication. Men and women have different way of communication , conversation habits and dexpectation of good commuincation
8、.,Main idea: The communication problems require a new conceptual framework about the role of talking in marriage. Women need to accept the difference and understand their hunsbands.,Linguistic battle between men and women,Para. 19-22,Para. 1-5,Book One,Text Study,Book One,1 I was addressing a small
9、gathering in a suburban Virginia living rooma womens group that had invited men to join them. Throughout the evening, one man had been particularly talkative, frequently offering ideas and anecdotes, while his wife sat silently beside him on the couch. Toward the end of the evening, I commented that
10、 women frequently complain that their husbands dont talk to them. This man quickly concurred. He gestured toward his wife and said, “Shes the talker in our family.” The room burst into laughter; the man looked puzzled and hurt. “Its true,” he explained. “When I come home from work I have nothing to
11、say. If she didnt keep the conversation going, wed spend the whole evening in silence.” 2 This episode crystallizes the irony that although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage.,Book One,Paras.3
12、-5,3 Sociologist Catherine Kohier Riessman, who reports in her new book Divorce Talk that most of the women she interviewedbut only a few of the mengave lack of communication as the reason for their divorces. 4 In my own research, complaints from women about their husbands most often focused not on
13、tangible inequities such as having given up the chance for a career to accompany a husband to his, or doing far more than their share of daily life. Instead, they focused on communication: “He doesnt listen to me,” “He doesnt talk to me.” I found that most wives want their husbands to be, first and
14、foremost, conversational partners, but few husbands share this expectation of their wives. 5 In short, the image that best represents the current crisis is the stereotypical cartoon scene of a man sitting at the breakfast table with a newspaper held up in front of his face, while a woman glares at t
15、he back of it, wanting to talk.,Book One,Paras.6-8,Linguistic Battle Between Men and Women 6 How can women and men have such different impressions of communication in marriage? Why is there a widespread imbalance in their interests and expectations? 7 In the April 1990 issue of American Psychologist
16、, Stanford Universitys Eleanor Maccoby reports the results of her own and others research showing that childrens development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interactions. Boys and girls tend to play with children of their own gender, and their sex-separate groups have different or
17、ganizational structures and interactive norms. 8 I believe these systematic differences in childhood socialization make talk between women and men like cross-cultural communication. My research on mens and womens conversations uncovered patterns similar to those described for childrens groups.,Book
18、One,Paras.9-11,9 For women, as for girls, intimacy is the fabric of relationships, and talk is the thread from which it is woven. Little girls create and maintain friendships by exchanging secrets; similarly, women regard conversation as the cornerstone of friendship. So a woman expects her husband
19、to be a new and improved version of a best friend. What is important is not the individual subjects that are discussed but the sense of closeness, of a life shared, that emerges when people tell their thoughts, feelings, and impressions. 10 Bonds between boys can be as intense as girls, but they are
20、 based less on talking, more on doing things together. Since they dont assume talk is the cement that binds a relationship, men dont know what kind of talk women want, and they dont miss it when it isnt there. 11 Boys groups are larger, more inclusive, and more hierarchical, so boys must struggle to
21、 avoid the subordinate position in the group. This may play a role in womens complaints that men dont listen to them.,Book One,Para.12,12 Often when women tell men, “You arent listening,” and the men protest “I am”, the men are right. The impression of not listening results from misalignments in the
22、 mechanics of conversation. This misalignment begins as soon as a man and a woman take physical positions. When I studied videotapes made by psychologist Bruce Dorval of children and adults talking to their same-sex best friends, I found at every age, the girls and women faced each other directly, t
23、heir eyes anchored on each others faces. At every age, the boys and men sat at angles to each other and looked elsewhere in the room, periodically glancing at each other. But the tendency of men to face away can give women the impression they arent listening even when they are. A young woman in coll
24、ege was frustrated: whenever she told her boyfriend she wanted to talk to him, he would lie down on the floor, close his eyes, and put his arm over his face. This signaled to her, “Hes taking a nap.” But he insisted he was listening extra hard. Normally, he looks around the room, so he is easily dis
25、tracted. Lying down and covering his eyes helped him concentrate on what she was saying.,Book One,Para.13-15,13 Switching topics is another habit that gives women the impression men arent listening, especially if they switch to a topic about themselves. The girls in my study tended to talk at length
26、 about one topic, but the boys tended to jump from topic to topic. 14 My study of the 10th-grade children found that when a girl told a friend about a problem, the friend responded by asking probing questions and expressing agreement and understanding. But the boys dismissed each others problems. To
27、dd assured Richard that his drinking was “no big problem”. And when Todd said he felt left out, Richard responded, “Why should you? You know more people than me.” 15 Women perceived such responses as belittling and unsupportive. But the boys seemed satisfied with them. Whereas women reassure each ot
28、her by implying, “You shouldnt feel bad because Ive had similar experiences,” men do so by implying, “You shouldnt feel bad because your problems arent so bad.”,Book One,Para.16-17,16 There are even simpler reasons for womens impression that men dont listen. Linguist Lynette Hirschman found that wom
29、en make more listener-noise, such as “mhm”, “uhuh”, and “yeah”, to show “Im with you”. Men, she found, more often give silent attention. Women who expect a stream of listener-noise interpret silent attention as no attention at all. 17 Womens conversational habits are as frustrating to men as mens ar
30、e to women. Men who expect silent attention interpret a stream of listener-noise as overreaction or impatience. Also, when women talk to each other in a close, comfortable setting, they often overlap, finish each others sentences and anticipate what the other is about to say. This practice, which I
31、call “participatory listenership”, is often perceived by men as interruption, intrusion and lack of attention.,Book One,Para.18,18 A parallel difference caused a man to complain about his wife, “She just wants to talk about her own point of view. If I show her another view, she gets mad at me.” When
32、 most women talk to each other, they assume a conversationalists job is to express agreement and support. But many men see their conversational duty as pointing out the other side of an argument. This is heard as disloyalty by women, and refusal to offer the requisite support. It is not that women d
33、ont want to see other points of view, but that they prefer them phrased as suggestions and inquiries rather than as direct challenges.,Book One,Paras.19-20,The Sounds of Silence 19 These differences begin to clarify why women and men have such different expectations about communication in marriage.
34、For women, talk creates intimacy. Marriage is an orgy of closeness: you can tell your feelings and thoughts, and still be loved. Their greatest fear is being pushed away. But men live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status. They are on guard to protect themselves from
35、being put down and pushed around. 20 This explains the paradox of the talkative man who said of his silent wife, “Shes the talker.” In the public setting, he felt challenged to show his intelligence and display his understanding. But at home, where he has nothing to prove and no one to defend agains
36、t, he is free to remain silent. For his wife, being home means she is free from the worry that something she says might offend someone, or spark disagreement, or appear to be showing off; at home she is free to talk.,Book One,Paras.21-22,21 The communication problems that endanger marriage cant be f
37、ixed by mechanical engineering. They require a new conceptual framework about the role of talk in human relationships. Many of the psychological explanations may not be helpful, because they tend to blame either women (for not being assertive enough) or men (for not being in touch with their feeling
38、s). A sociolinguistic approach by which male-female conversation is seen as cross-cultural communication allows us to understand the problem and forge solutions without blaming either party. 22 Once the problem is understood, improvement comes naturally. Women who feel abandoned and deprived when th
39、eir husbands wont listen to or report daily news may be happy to discover their husbands trying to adapt once they understand the place of small talk in womens relationships. But if their husbands dont adapt, the women may still be comforted that for men, this is not a failure of intimacy. Accepting
40、 the difference, the wives may look to their friends or family for that kind of talk. And husbands who cant provide it shouldnt feel their wives have made unreasonable demands. Some couples will still decide to divorce, but at least their decisions will be based on realistic expectations.,Book One,S
41、entence Analysis,Book One,1. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage. (Para. 2, Line 2) pattern: phenomenon wreak: To bring about; cause, give effect to 带来；引起；造成： e.g. They have wreaked dreadful havoc among the wildlife by shooting and trapping. 他们射杀和诱捕野生动物，造成了严重的破坏。 havoc: disaster, damage
42、, destruction 灾难，破坏，毁坏 wreak havoc 带来灾难 e.g. The storm wreaked havoc along the coast. 暴风雨给海岸带来灾难。 Paraphrase: This pattern is causing disasters within marriages. 译文：这一现象使婚姻受到严重威胁 。,II.,Book One,2. In my own research, complaints from women about their husbands most often focused not on tangible inequ
43、ities as having given up the chance for a career to accompany a husband to his, or doing far more than their share of daily life. (Para. 4, Line 1-3) tangible: discernible by the touch; palpable, practicle 通过触摸可以感知的；可触知的；实际的 e.g. the tangible benefits of the plan 该项计划带来的实际利益 accompany: go with, occu
44、r or do at the same time 陪同，与一同发生 e.g. Every day the mother accompanied her little son to school. 这位母亲每天送小儿子上学。 Will you accompany me in drinking a glass of wine? 愿意陪我喝一杯吗？,Book One,Paraphrase: In my own research, women complain about their husbands, not because they give up their chances for a care
45、er to go to the place where the husbands work, or they have to do most of the homework. 译文：在我本人的研究中，女性对丈夫的抱怨大多不是集中在一些实 际的不平等现象，例如为了跟随丈夫的事业而放弃了发展自己 事业的机会，或者她们所承担的日常生活琐事远远超过她们份 内的部分。,Book One,3. The impression of not listening results from misalignments in the mechanics of conversation. (Para. 12, Lin
46、e 2-3) misalignment: failure to coincide with each other 未对准；错位 mechanics: the method or / and technical aspects of an activity 某种活动的方法与技术 Paraphrase: Women have the impression that men are not listening when they talk because the method men adopt in conversation is different from womens. 译文: 这种给人没有
47、在听的印象是由于男女对话方式的不同而引起的。,Book One,4. Women perceived such responses as belittling and unsupportive. (Para. 15, Line 1) perceive: To achieve understanding of; apprehend, see 获得对的理解；理解 belittle: To represent or speak of as contemptibly small or unimportant 轻视，小看：当作渺小或不重要来描述或叙说； e.g. a person who belittl
48、ed our efforts to do the job right. 一个小看我们为做好工作而付出的努力的人 unsupportive: 拒绝提供支持的，不支持的 Paraphrase: Women take such responses as seeing their problem unimportant and refusing to support them. 译文: 女性把这种回答看作是轻视她们的问题和不支持她们。,Book One,5. “A parallel difference caused a man to complain about his wife,. ” (Para
49、. 18, Line 1) parallel: (adj.) having the same direction, tendency, or cause 具有同样的方向、倾向 e.g. They have parallel interests. 他们有相同的兴趣。 Paraphrase: Another difference, similar to the difference in conversational habits discussed in paragraph 17, makes a man complain about his wife,. 译文: 同样，男女之间的差别也使丈夫抱怨妻子,Book One,6. It is not