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1、I feel sorry for people who dont drinkThe most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. Thats where we come in; were computer professionals. We cause accidents.Nathaniel BorensteinI dont think sex could ever be as rewarding as winning the World Cup. Its not that
2、sex is not great; just that the World Cup is only every four years and sex is a lot more regular than that.RonaldoOnly Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty. George Bernard ShawId luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.Bette DavisA verbal contract isnt worth the pap
3、er it is written on.Sam GoldwynThe great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always changethe channel.From TaxiI would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.Howard NemerovThere has been only one Christmas - the rest are ann
4、iversaries. W.J. Cameron.The Labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party.Clive Anderson.Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.H. L. MenckenA government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the s
5、upport of Paul. George Bernard ShawDocumentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good;and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.Dick BrandonAn ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination. Voltaire.He looked at foreign affairs through the wrong end of a munici
6、pal drainpipeOn Neville Chamberlain Winston ChurchillI have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.Mark TwainBefore software can be reusable it first has to be usable.Ralph JohnsonPlease accept my resignation. I dont want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.Groucho M
7、arxSubmitted by Jensen HallSquares are scary, but hearts are worthlovingMartyrdom: The only way a man can become famous withoutability.Bernard ShawProgramming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigge
8、r and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Rich Cook.About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.Josh BillingsThe use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offenseEdsger DijkstraWhat c
9、ontemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?W. Clement StoneDebugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.Brian W. KernighanOnly one thing is impossible for G
10、od: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.Mark Twain.What I dont like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller.Dont talk to me about Naval tradition! Its nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.Winston ChurchillSubmitted by Kris CantuIf Rudolph is
11、the most famous reindeer of all, why does that guy ask if you recall him?The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.Anton ChekhovTheres so much pollution in the air now that if it werent for our lungs thered be no place t
12、o put it all. Robert Orben.Submitted by Debbie ReedsA way to a mans heart is through his stomach. A way to a womans heart is to scratch under her bra strap!Dont have a cow, man.Bart SimpsonThe wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in partic
13、ular?David Sarnoffs associates in response to his urging for investment in the radio in the 1920s.The Complete Angler is acknowledged to be one of the worlds books. Only the trouble is that the world doesnt read its books, it borrows a detective story instead.Stephen Leacock.Oh, now theres only one
14、kind of love that lasts. Thats unrequited love. It stays with you forever.Woody AllenId like to help you out. Which way did you come in?Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea.John Ciardi.The trouble with children is that theyre
15、not returnable.Quentin Crisp.The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nations history. I mean in this centurys history. But we all lived in this century. I didnt live in this century.Dan Quayle 15/9/88Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.Pablo Picasso.Im all in favor of keeping da
16、ngerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Lets start with typewriters.Solomon ShortYou can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.Mark TwainIf it sells, its art.Frank Lloyd.Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festiv
17、al reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. Jean Baudrillard.Nothing succeeds like excess.Oscar WildeComputer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes E W Dijkstra.Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.W. C. FieldsY
18、ou cannot have everything. I mean, where would you put it?Steven Wright.Lady Astor to Churchill Winston, if you were my husband I wouldflavor your coffee with poison Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it Winston ChurchillYou can get much further with a kind word and a gun than
19、you can with a kind word alone. Al Capone.Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but theres nothing exactly like it.W. C. FieldsI used to be Snow White, but I drifted.Mae WestIs there anything worn under the kilt? No, its all in perfect working order.Spike MilliganThere is one thing I
20、would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldnt stand for that. Steve Martin.I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast inbed.Oscar WildeNever worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. Larry Wilde.Ol
21、der people shouldnt eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.Robert OrbenA fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said o.Woody AllenWine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see ushappy.Benjamin FranklinMy father would take me
22、 to the playground, and put me on mood swings.Jay LondonMy name is Saddam Hussein. I am the president of Iraq, and I want to negotiate.Saddam HusseinTo US troops who captured him in a hole in the ground near Tikrit.Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live
23、next door and just visit now and then.Katharine HepburnI like marriage. The idea.Toni MorrisonDemocracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. HL Mencken.I rant, therefore I am.Dennis MillerIm an idealist. I dont know where Im going, but Im on my way.Carl SandburgEver
24、ybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.P. J. ORourkeRoses are red, violets are blue, Im schizophrenic, and so am I.Oscar LevantAs long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.Cokie RobertsI cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk
25、show host.David Letterman.Whats the use of happiness? It cant buy you money.Henny YoungmanI always say, keep a diary and some day itll keep you.Mae WestWhy be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-
26、Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. Robert X. Cringely.Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.Bernard ShawThe wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a messa
27、ge sent to nobody in particular? David Sarnoffsassociates in response to his urging for investment in the radio in the 1920s.I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974.Jeffrey Bernard.Spie
28、lberg isnt a filmmaker, hes a confectioner. Alex Cox on Steven SpielbergKeyboard not found. Press in many common BIOSes as a real error message)The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business.John Steinbeck.Its not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on.Mar
29、ilyn MonroeOn posing nude for a calendar photograph.The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. Thats where we come in; were computer professionals. We cause accidents.Nathaniel BorensteinIf theres anything unsettling to the stomach, its watching actorson t
30、elevision talk about their personal lives.Marlon BrandoThe art galleries of Paris contain the finest collection of frames I ever saw.Humphrey Davy.元贝驾校网http:/ who ask Can I ask you a question? Didnt really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?George CarlinI, not events, have the power to make me ha
31、ppy or unhappy today. Ican choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasnt arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and Im going to be happy in it.Groucho MarxIt was a perfect marriage. She didnt want to and he couldnt.Spike MilliganI was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphy
32、sics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.Woody AllenPeople ask me what Id most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.George BurnsThis is the sixth book Ive written, which isnt bad for a guy whos only read two.George BurnsShe got her g
33、ood looks from her father. Hes a plasticsurgeon.Groucho MarxA blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistantcalls out: Can I help, sir? No thanks, says the blind bloke.Just looking.Tommy CooperOne thing leads to a
34、nother? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.George CarlinSubmitted by Jay Martins If People Got Past TheLabeling Part & Skipped To The Knowing Part.Then They Would Know Not To Label.USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out offour people make u
35、p 75 percent of the population.David Letterman.I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire,and thats to get rid of all my other desires.John CleeseI love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask meif they can help me, and I say, Have you got anything Id like?Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, Extra medium.Steven WrightCloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to geta good steak.Woody AllenThere are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?Woody Allen