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1、老爸老妈的浪漫史 第二季 第16-20集英中字幕 制作：沈金河()目 录第16集2第17集13第18集24第19集36第20集49第16集Kids, the key to a goodrelationship is communication.- You need to talk.- How about Mimis?Nah, I dont reallyfeel like Mimis.Well, Im hungry.Lets just pick a place and go.Oh, you know where weshould go? Cynthias.You love that place-
2、remember what a great time we hadthe last time we were there?- We did?- Yeah, yeah.We had that crazy waiter who kept going,You two should get married!You two should get married!Its also important toknow when to stop talking.Come on. Then we stepped outside.It was raining.It was so romantic?How can y
3、ou not remember this?Because it wasnt me.Oh, right!It was.my sister.You see,by the time youve hit your late 20s,youve dated a few people,but when youre in a relationship,its common courtesy to pretendthat you havent.Oh, my God, Van Helsing is on.Remember when wewent to see it?We sat in the back row.
4、Ive never seen Van Helsing.Thats right.I saw it with my sister.My boss just gotback from Maui.He said it was really romantic.Oh, its so romantic.When were you in Maui?- I. went. with my sister.- With my sister.Why do you always say that?Look, were not 16.Weve both dated other people.Its silly to try
5、 toact like we didnt.Youre right.We should just be honest.Totally.See that girl over there?Three years ago,I totally made out with her.I dont want to hear that.- What? You said.- God, that is so insensitive.- Remember honesty.?- Youre a jerk!Well, youre.confusing.Transcript : RacemanSubtitles : Will
6、ows TOkay, so you have tohave sex with one.Either classic mermaid;bottom half fish, top half human,or inverted mermaid,top half fish, bottom half human.Go!I dont know. Is she fat?Yeah, but its a fish,so its the good kind of fat.Hot off the presses!I-I dont take flyers.You took one two secondsbefore
7、you walked in here.Thats different.It was for a strip club.Two bucks off wings.How much is your flyergoing to save me on wings?Fine. Its a flyerfrom my play.Oh, Lily, Id love to,but were not in collegeand Im not tryingto sleep with you.- So anyway, this mermaid.- Hey, Lilys friend asked herto be in
8、this play,and its gonna be really good.Lily, I love you,but were too old for this.Asking someone tocome see your playis like asking someonefor a ride to the airportor to crash on your couchor to help you move.Call a cab, book a room,hire some moversand repeat after me:Friends dont let friendscome se
9、e their crappy play.Okay, first of all,Ive thought about it and top half fish.Second of all, we need you guysto decide something for us.Yes, you should break up.So, earlier tonight.Mm, we should getdown to the bar.I know we should,but you just look so sexyin my red sweatshirt.Oh, God,why is this par
10、t of the story?Were getting to it.Damn, my face is so dry.Is there any moisturizer around here?Yeah, theres somein the bathroom.Got to moisturize!Got to keep thatpretty face moist.Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!- Whats wrong with her?- She hates that word.- What word, moist?- No! Seriously, stop!So, any
11、way, Ted goes into thebathroom to get the moist.face lotion.Wow, this is great stuff.Now I know the secret toyour great complexion.What are you talking about?Its yours.No, its not.Oh, well.then I guess its Lilys.No, its not.Whose moisturizer is this, Ted?Um, my sisters.So, in other words,some girl y
12、ou went out with.Um. I love you.Disgusting. You let me put on thesame moisturizer as one of your exes?It was probably Carlas.Her face was a train wreck.Im dont think Ted wasdating her for her face.Thank you, Marshall.Thank you so much.Why is that stillin your apartment?I dont know.I just never threw
13、 it out.Well, why not? Do you stillhave feelings for this girl?Yeah. Im madlyin love with her,and the only wayI can deal with itis by holding onto athree-dollar tube of lotion.Not three dollars! Try 14.Why is this such a big deal?Because I dont want to usesome whores moisturizer!Whoa, she wasnt a wh
14、ore.Well, shes leaving expensivelotions all over town.It sounds like a whore to me.What else do you have from oldgirlfriends just lying around?Nothing. Thats it.Well, except forthe phone booth.And the lamp by the desk.and the.No.No! No! Oh, Ted!Ah, the age-old question:after you break up with someon
15、e,what do you do with the stuff?Question? Aint noquestion, girl.Obviously, hes gotto get rid of it.Which is obviously crazy and obviously,Im not gonna do it.So we agreed that we would let you guys decide.Yeah, like we did withMarshalls pants.Ah, the 2005 landmark case of Lily v.The Joey Buttafuoco P
16、ants.Nice, right?Im gonna have to say no.I dont want some 16-year-oldgirl falling in love with youand then shootingLily in the face.Yes!I vote they can stay.Check out the jackass in theparachute pants is a good icebreaker.T ed.Ted? Ted?Sorry, buddy,its a no for me, too.Oh, and by the way,Bel Biv Dev
17、oe called.Even they dont wantthose pants back.They were insanely comfortable!They were like pajamasyou could wear outside.Marshall, its over.We even gave you an appeal and theydidnt look any better with combat boots.All right, well, lets hear thearguments. Ted, you go first.Okay. The fact that I sti
18、ll have thingsfrom ex-girlfriends is no big deal.I mean,when I see the phone booth on the piano,I dont think ofJeannie Radford,I think of the good times Ihad backpacking through Europe.And when I see the lamp,I dont think of Allison Moses.I remember when I was broke,just out of college,and I really
19、needed a lamp.And when I see that throw pillow,I dont think of Lauren Stein.I think of that weird orange-brownstain and how it got there.Creamsicle and turkey gravy,not at the same time.Well, thats adorable,but from now on, when I walk into theapartment, here is what I will see.Im Teds college girlf
20、riend.He made me 12 mix tapes.How many has he made you?He calls you sweetie pie?He called me sweetie pie.Im stupid,but my rack is bigger than yours.Really? You cantlook at a pillowwithout seeing my ex-girlfriend-a pillow!Yes, Ted, the fact that you stillhave that pillow is creepy and gross.- Youre c
21、reepy and gross.- Your moms creepy and gross.Order! Order!I got to side with Robin.Shes your girlfriend, and if the stuffupsets her, you got to get rid of it.Ive got to side with Ted.Just cause you still havesomething an ex-girlfriend gave youdoesnt mean youreholding onto her.All right, Barney.It al
22、l comes down to you.- I side with Robin.- What?Ted, your placeis too cluttered.Its like youre livingin a Bennigans.Or a Danbys.What, they dont haveDanbys in the US?Really?Well, then were do you getGrizzly Paw ice cream sandwiches?Just stop, sweetie.So I had no choice.I packed up everything I hadgott
23、en from ex-girlfriends.It was painful,but not as painful as what Ihad to endure later that night.New York is famousfor its theater,but theres manydifferent levels.Theres Broadway,off-Broadway,off-off-Broadway,homeless peoplescreaming in the park,and then below that,the play Aunt Lily was in.Eight fl
24、ights, of stairs.Who puts a theater upeight flights of stairs?What kind of building is this?From the smell of it,Im guessing a urine factory.Where do you guys want to sit?I know where Idont want to sit.Guys, four together!I brought a bag in caseanyone needs to puke.Come on.Its not gonna be that bad.
25、No? Okay.I. am. Rage!I. am Greed.I am Rage. Envy!I am outta here.No, youre not.You have to stay.This is the faceof Consumerism!Oh, my God.Teds part of the play.Hello, Greed, Rage.Envy.and Consumerism.I. am your father.America!Oh, baby, that was wonderful!Totally, I had no ideaGreed was the killer.An
26、d when it became aplay within a play,I was, like,Now we are really cookin!Wow, Lily, that sucked!Barney!What? It was terrible.I mean, come on.You guys agree, right?Hey, sorry, Im just being honestcause, you know, were friends.No, friends make eachother feel good.They build each otherup and support t
27、hem.Thats what being agood friend is about.Yeah, if youre a Smurf.You know if you did a play,I would sit through the whole thingand I would complimentyou on it afterwards.Oh, really? You would?Yes.Bad move, Aldrin, bad move.Well be starting ourQ&A with the director-yours truly-in five minutes right
28、here.Can you believe Barney saidthat about Lilys play?I know.He can be really insensitive.It was pretty bad, though.Oh, my God, it was so bad.Oh, my God, youve been robbed!Nope.All that stuff wasfrom old girlfriends?Dont you buy anythingfor yourself?What can I say?Papa gets swag.And that shouldve be
29、en the end of it.But the next day.You know, at first I was really bummedabout getting rid of all my stuff.But seeing how happy it makes you-totally worth it.Mm, thats kind of how I feel whenI begrudgingly have sex with youwhen Im really tired.Exactly. Sometimes yougotta take one for the team.Well, s
30、it. Sit, yeah.So you never keep anythingyour ex-boyfriends gave you?N ope.Well, except for my dogs.So I had to get rid of everythingfrom my past relationshipsbecause you dont keep thingsfrom your past relationshipsexcept, uh, where are your fivedogs from? Oh, thats right:your past relationships.What
31、s your point, Ted?Well, you know how you saidyou come over to my apartment,and all you can seeare my ex-girlfriends?What, so when you look at my dogs,all you see is my ex-boyfriends?I do now.Thats ridiculous.I thought you said you got rid ofeverything your ex-boyfriends gave you.Well, yeah, but not
32、my dogs.You said everything.But not living things.Well, tell that to the rareBolivian cactus I threw away.Things with aheartbeat can stay.Enjoying this?Pickles, go get your ball.Go get your ball.Just admit it.It was a little hypocritical of youto make me get ridof all my stuff.Well, what do you want
33、 me to do, Ted?Get rid of my dogs?Guess what positionwe did it in.Yes. Yes,I want you to get rid of your dogs.Um, no.Really? Well, I say we take it to the group,but I dont like your chances.Shes not gettingrid of the dogs.Whats the matter with you?- Even I wouldnt do that.- Yes!You can ask somebody
34、to get rid of theiriguana after it poops in your hair,but not their dog.I miss Jebediah.Oh, I almost forgot.Flyers for my new play.Very funny.Oh, its not a joke.Its my one-man showpremiering tomorrow night.And even though its terribleand excruciatingly long,I expect you all to be theresince were suc
35、h good friends.Oh, well be there.Unless, of course, you just wantto admit that you were wrong.- Never.- Good.Okay, I gotta go rehearse.Oh, I almost forgot.Bring a poncho;the first three rows get wet.Im sorry I didnt tell youwhere the dogs came from.Im sorry I asked youto get rid of them.That was rid
36、iculous.So were-were okay?Yeah, were great.And I thought we were,but just as it did in theseventh act of Aunt Lilys play,Jealousy reared its ugly head.Oh, yeah, thats the spot.Dude, I gotta pee.I gotta go.Oh, hes really having troubledealing with this, huh?Yeah, he really is.Its got me thinking,mayb
37、e I should get rid of my dogs.Might be time to sendthem to the farm.- Youre gonna kill your dogs?!- No! No, no, no,there really is a farm.My aunt has a farm upstate.Oh, thank God.Aw, you know,if I were five dogs,Id rather live on a farm thanin an apartment in Brooklyn.Yeah. I could visitthem on week
38、ends.My aunt is awfully lonely up there.Its just her and her lover, Betty.Oh, thats perfect.They love dogs.They? What doyou mean by they?Uh. uh. uh.People upstate.Oh, look, its starting. Shh!Are you sure youregonna be okay?I mean,you know that this is gonna be.I know, but Im gonna sitthrough the who
39、le thing,and Im gonna say somethingnice about it afterwards.You know why?Because thats what friends do.Moist.M oist.Moist.Moist.That was the first 40minutes of Barneys show.Moist.And then we enduredabout 20 minutes of this.I have to go refill.Ill be back in a moment.Plays not over.I never get picked
40、 foraudience participation.And then it just got weird.Feelings.Inside.Oh, no!And when that didnt work.Okay! Stop!You win. Fine.Barney, Im sorry I madeyou come to my show.Thank you, Lily.Is there anything youdlike to say about my show?No.No, I have nothing niceto say about your show.You were right, B
41、arney.Lets go to the bar.Yes! I win!I love winning!Oh, Lily. Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily.I was just gettingwarmed up, man!00:18:36,372 - 00:18:39,483If you had any idea what wascoming up in act two. oh!Well, I imagine it was pretty awful,so lets go.Pretty awful? Pretty awful?!It was a masterpiece of awful.
42、Its genius how bad it is.I kind of wish you guys could see it.Yeah, well, anyway.Act two is where Ireally hit my stride.Spoiler alert:the robot falls in love.How about this, Barney?How about we stayand-and watch therest of your show?Its your funeral.Five, six, one, two.So we stayed and let Barney to
43、rtureus for another hour and a half,cause thats whatfriends do, apparently.Hey.Whereve you been?I called you earlier.I gave my dogs away to my aunt.You what?Yeah. Just for a few monthsas a test run, but.I think its for the best.Wow.Oh, man.Can we go inside?Uh, no.Uh, lets go to the bar.Why? Whats going on inside?- Um, the floors are gone.- What?Yeah. I-I sent them out to get,um, fixed.This is a terrible lie.Im just going to bail.I didnt know you weregetting rid of the dogs!You said you threwall tha