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1、 How to become a better conversationalist ? All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have unfriended someone on QQ because they said something offensive? 好的，我想让大家举手示意一下， 有多少人曾经 在 QQ 上拉黑过好友因为他们说过一些冒犯的话 How many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just dont want
2、 to talk to them? 有多少人至少有一个不想见的人，因为你就是不想 和对方说话 You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady: Stick to the weather and your health. So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the p
3、otential to devolve（转化） into an argument, its not normal. A study of 10,000 adults found that at this moment, we are more polarized(偏激的), we are more divided(有分歧的), than we ever have been in history. Were less likely to compromise,which means were not listening to each other. A conversation requires
4、 a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance. Now, part of that is due to technology. Such as the smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly. Almost most of us, are more likely to text our
5、friends than we are to talk to them face to face. Weve all had really great conversations. Weve had them before. We know what its like. The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like youve made a real connection or youve been perfectly understood. T
6、here is no reason why most of your interactions(人际互动) cant be like that. 我们都曾有过很棒的交谈。我们都曾有过。我们知道那是什么 感觉。那种结束之后令你感到 很享受,很受鼓舞的交谈，或者令你 觉得你和别人 建立了真实的连接,或者让你完全得到了他人的理 解。没有理由说你大部分人际互动 不能成为那样。 Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, think of interesti
7、ng topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that youre paying attention,repeat back what you just heard or summarize it. So I want you to forget all of that. It is crap(废话).There is no reason to learn how to show youre paying attention if you are in fact paying attention. 你们中间很多人已经听
8、过无数建议，比如看着对方的眼睛， 提前想好可以讨论的有趣话题，注视，点头并且微笑 来表明你 的专注，重复你刚才听到的，或者做总结。我想让你们忘掉所 有这些，全都没用。根本没必要去学习如何表现你很专心， 如 果你确实很专心。 1 2 3 4 T h e r e a r e 1 0 b a s i c r u l e s ： 5 Dont multitask. Dont pontificate. Use open-ended questions. Go with the flow. If you dont know, say that you dont know. 不要三心二意 不要好为人师 使用
9、开放式问题 顺其自然 不知道就说不知道 6 7 8 9 T h e r e a r e 1 0 b a s i c r u l e s ： 10 Dont equate your experience with theirs. Try not to repeat yourself. Stay out of the weeds. Listen. Be brief. 不要把自己的经历和他人比较 尽量不要重复自己 少说废话 认真倾听 简明扼要 C o n t e n t s It means, be present. Be in that moment. Dont think about your
10、argument you had with your roomates. Dont think about what youre going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation. C o n t e n t s Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you dont. - Bill Nye I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in somet
11、hing. C o n t e n t s Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. If you put in a complicated question, youre going to get a simple answer out. Were you terrified? Yes, I was or No, I wasnt. Try asking them things like, What was that like? How did that feel? Because then they might
12、 have to stop for a moment and think about it, and youre going to get a much more interesting response. C o n t e n t s That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind. When were sitting there having a conversation with someone,stories and ideas are going to
13、 come to you. You need to let them come and let them go. C o n t e n t s TV hosts are more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure. Do that. Err on the side of caution. Talk should not be cheap. 谨言慎行。谈话应该是负责任的行为 C o n t e n t s I have no idea. People who
14、 brag about their IQs are losers. - Stephen Hawking All experiences are individual.You dont need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much youve suffered. C o n t e n t s Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our friends, we have a point to make, so we just kee
15、p rephrasing it over and over. Its condescending(咄咄逼人的), and really boring.Dont do that. C o n t e n t s Frankly, people dont care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that youre struggling to come up with in your mind. What they care about is you. They care about what youre like
16、, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out. C o n t e n t s If your mouth is open, youre not learning. - Buddha No man ever listened his way out of a job. - Calvin Coolidge Most of us dont listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply. 225,500,275 - S
17、tephen Covey C o n t e n t s A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. All of this boils down(浓缩) to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested in other people.Everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them. Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. 走出门去，和别人交谈， 听别人说， 以及最重 要的， 准备好大吃一惊。(*-*)