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1、老爸老妈的浪漫史 第七季 第11-15集英中字幕 制作：沈金河()目 录第11集2第12集17第13集30第14集43第15集57第11集In the fall of 2011,Lily andMarshall received a surprising giftfrom Lilys grandparents:their house in Long Island.Lily and Marshall decided tosell it for one simple reason.Its Long Island.I dont want to spend mySaturday in Long Isl
2、and.I know,babe,but the realtor stagedthe place with fake furnitureand she wants us to checkit out before the open house.All right. Can we at leastdo it on the fake bed?Im embarrassed that you have to ask.So,they headed out to Long Island,andwhen they walked in the door.Well take it!We-We cant take
3、it.Were the ones selling it.We are selling it,right?Baby,your grandparents gaveyou this house outright.So,the way I see it,wehave five options.One: sell it. Two:year-round haunted house.Three: giant fence aroundthe perimeter,chimp sanctuary.Theres already a tireswing in the backyard.Four: we destroy
4、 it withsledgehammers. I like four.Or five: we move in,raise ourchildren and make this our family home.Till they graduate.Then we destroy it with sledgehammers.As a family.No,this is crazy!We are New York people. We have abig,beautiful apartment that we love.Youre right.But something happened toLily
5、 and Marshall that day.Something that happensto all New Yorkerswho return home fromanywhere other than New York.Their big,lovely apartment.Thats weird.shrank.Okay,after Thanksgiving,Imcutting out carbs.a6theNow,kids,it had been a roughcouple weeks for Barney.First,he cheated on hisgirlfriend with Ro
6、bin,then he broke up withhis girlfriend for Robin,then Robin chose Kevin over him.So he was kind of in a bad place.Hey. You all right?Why wouldnt I be all right? Barneys singleagain! Its what Americas been clamoring for.You just went through a break-up.Thats usually whenpeople do something crazy.If
7、you were a girl,youd have cutbangs and be dating you by now.Just promise me youwont do something crazy.I promise I wont do something crazy.Dont worry,hes gonnado something crazy.In fact,I think Im done with girls.Im not sure I even like them anymore.Based on all the stuff youvedone to them over the
8、years,Im not sure you ever liked them.Im serious.Come on,you love girls. If anyoneshould be done with girls,its me.Look at the year Ive had.Zoey,Victoria,the Slutty Pumpkin.Now Im worried youregonna do something crazy.Im not gonna do something crazy.And yes,Im gonna dosomething crazy,too.But girls,m
9、an. Girls.- You know what would kick ass?- Being gay?- Being gay would kick ass!- Word. Guys understand each other.Imagine a relationship where,instead of talking aboutfeelings all the time,you just play some Madden,eat a pizza,give each other a happy,roll overand have some cuddle-free shut-eye.Bro,
10、for what its worth,if we wereboth gay,youd be my first call.Would you mind calling Marshall andtelling him that? Cause he thinks.No,this is only in a scenario wherejust you and I are gay,not Marshall.But if all three of us weregay,youd pick me over Marshall,right?If all three of us were gay?Girlfrie
11、nd,we would allthree of us have some fun.Damn right we would.- Were not gay.- Nope. Stuck with girls.I wish men could have childrenon their own,like sea horses.Are you saying whatI think youre saying?They have a little pouch. Theyshould be called sea kangaroos.No,y-you want kids?Maybe Ive kind of la
12、tely been thinkingabout the whole wife and kids thing.Just minus the wife.You could always go it alone. LikeMr. Drummond on Diffrent Strokes.Yeah,but that was the 80s,when you could just swing by anyinner-city playground in your limoand scoop up some kids.Mmm. Simpler times.I guess its better to hav
13、e someonein it with you anyway,you know?Lifetime partnership.The only partnership in my life thathas stood the test of time is this one.The sacred bond of man and bro.Maybe we should start a family together.Are you kidding? This place is huge.I mean,look,I candance all crazy in here.Listen,um,Robin,
14、are you okay with us alldoing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow?Uh,yeah,I guess thatd be nice.Oh,great! And then afterThanksgiving,Lily and I were thinkingthat we would just stay at the houseuntil,you know. we die.What? No! You cant move to Long Island!But this house is so nice.Its big,and its clean,a
15、nd if theres cockroaches,theyrespect us enough to sneak around.Listen to yourself. This isPregnancy Brain all over again.No,Im done with Pregnancy Brain. Ivemoved on to weird pregnancy sex dreams.Officer.You know. You know.Im-Im just saying,youre not in the right mind tobe making this decision right
16、 now.You know what? Robins right.We are in no state of mindto make this kind of decision.Thank you. And now yourestepping off the crazy bus.We let the universe decide.And now youre back on board.You hear that,Universe?If you send us a signin the next. 24 hours,then were moving toLong Island! Okay? G
17、o.Hey,guys,for the lasttime,this place is enormous-Geez,how many lamps do you have?Its genius!Instead of throwing awayyour life marrying some girl,you just go splitsies ona kid with your best bro!I wouldnt have to choose betweendating and having a family.Hell,I could bring the kids on dates!And a br
18、oken home? Um,whats that?Our kids will never know,causewere never gonna split up!Why would we?I mean,sure,when your wife walks in on youbanging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce.But when your bro-parent walks in onyou banging a hot flight attendant.You get five of thesebad boys,right up high
19、!And you totally join in,right?!- Oh,no,theres the line.- Thats the line.We found the line. Itsgood we know where it is.Hey,guys.We have an announcement.So what youre saying is,if youre meant to move to Long Island,some sign from the universe willmagically appear at your doorstep?Now,kids,I dont thi
20、nk there was aknock on the door at that exact moment,but for the purposes of this story.Hi,Im Clive. I live upstairsfrom you. Is this your sign?a6houseI dont know,Clive. Is it?Oh,did we leave that outside?Yeah,were selling ourhouse in Long Island.Oh. Too bad youre not selling thisplace. Id love to t
21、urn mine into a duplex.And Id give you a really goodprice for it,because I am so rich.- He did not say that.- His shoes did.Okay,the point is,we got thesign. Were moving to East Meadow.Lets get some champagne.And just like that, Lily and Marshall werebeginning a new chapter in their lives.Which mean
22、t only one thing for us.- Were having a baby!- Bro-parents activate!- Hey,lets talk baby names!- Barney.Oh,my God! That was my first choice,too.No,listen. You and I are drunk.Which means theres achance that adopting a baby-no matter how cute he is in my headwith his little cowboy outfit onand hes ri
23、ding our dog like a horseand we also have a dog, purebred Golden,but its okay,shes a rescue-might not be a good idea.Youre right.So lets go home,take someaspirin,drink lots of water,and then see if itsstill a good idea tomorrow.- Its still a good idea!- Its totally still a good idea!Were having a ba
24、by!Kids,I cannot stress this enough:Barney and I were goingthrough a tough time.Youre not leaving,and thats final.Look what I bought at4:00 a.m. in New York City.A bootleg VHS of a very,verypopular Korean movie,this genuine Lenny Vintone purseand the number of a manwho can get me a kidney.Do that on
25、 Long Island.Look,Robin,we appreciate thatyou want us to stay in the city,but this is what we want.I mean,you understand,right?No.Here are a few funfacts about Long Island.Number one: its Brooklyns fart trail.So Barney and I- and again,going througha tough time,cant stress that enough-found an adopt
26、ion agency Web site andfilled out their online application.Name: Barney Stinson. Ted Mosby.- Address.- Oh,put my address in Westchester.Theyll want to see well be raisingthis child in a good environment.You know,the suburbs.- What? No. All my guys are here.- Your guys?Yeah. You know how I got a guy
27、foreverything? Well,theyre all in New York.My suit guy,my shoe guy,myticket guy,my club guy.And if I dont have a guy for something,then I have a guy guy to get me a guy.And oddly enough,his name is Guy.Okay,fine. How about this?We stay in the city during the week,then on the weekend,countryhouse in
28、the burbs!- This is why bro-parentingworks! - Totally!And with your salary plus my salary,wecan totally afford two places.What?So. uh,youre gonna keep your job?Robin,this discussion is closed.The universe told us todo it,so were doing it.Well,the universe getsit wrong sometimes.Remember when Marshal
29、lwas trying to decidebetween becoming an environmentallawyer and working at a bank?Thats a funny story.Marshall was fed up with his job at GNBand was thinking aboutleaving it all behind,so he and Lily agreed he shouldwait for a sign from the universeto tell him what to do.Then one day.forOf course.
30、Its so clear.Its been right there allalong. I have to call Lily.Excuse me. Excuse me,sir. Imsorry,but,um,can I please borrow your.- Ernie Hudson?- Yes.Can I borrow your phone?Who you gonna call?And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster?That firehouse is still for sale.Even Ernie Hudson begged younot to
31、go through with that.Ernie Hudson is a coward!Of course Im gonna keep myjob. Why wouldnt I keep my job?Well,I mean,this whole architecturething. isnt it more of a hobby?Excuse me?And now were fighting. You knowwhat? Forget I said anything.No! No,no,no. Werehaving this discussion.Architecture is my l
32、ifes work.Why dont you quit your job?I dont even know whatit is you do for a living.What it is I do for a living?I work,Ted,14 hours a dayso that our baby can have foodand clothes and a nice house,while you sit around doodlingpictures of buildings.Thats what it is I do. You know what? Screw this.Im
33、gonna go to the bar.Yeah,right,right,cause the answersalways at the bottom of a bottle!Wait,wait,wait! Hold it!- Brainstorm.- Brainstorm.Nobody quits their job.- We get a nanny- Dibs on the nanny.No. No banging the nanny.Ted,please don not dig in on thiswhole no-banging-the-nanny policy.Okay,fine. W
34、ell get two nannies.One for banging,one for childcare.Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies!Just think of it,Ted,youand me,living together,- with our kid,my two hot nannies,our pet cobra.- What?A kid needs a pet cobra,Ted.Dont be a pill about this.And well have amazing weeklong parties,and therell be
35、swords andninja stars lying around.Thats when I realized:adopting a baby with a friend? Crazy.Adopting a baby withBarney? Freaking nuts.- I cant adopt a baby with you,Barney.- Why not?Because we dont even have one yetand youre already a terrible father.Oh,I get it.You want one of the nannies.Well,yo
36、u cant have em! Theyre mine!So youre just gonna have toget yourself a third nanny.Except dibs on thethird nanny! Good day!Which brings us to Thanksgiving.Marshall,Lily and Robin were headingout to Long Island early to get ready.Okay,how is this even possible?!Cause how did we even get it in here?!Ok
37、ay,I change my mind.I want an epidural.You guys are crazy.This place is enormous.I mean,look arou. Have younever heard of overhead lighting? !Youre right. I getit. This place is great.- Um,excuse me. Where is the restroom?- Oh. Right there.Oh,good,great. Im justgonna go in there and.not come out unt
38、il youpromise never to move away!Its a good thing wehave three bathrooms.Hey,Barney.Uh,listen,sorry about the other daywhen I said youd be a terrible father.You had no reason to think otherwise.Totally understandable. Im not mad.Thanks. And,uh,lets be honest,wewere both acting a little crazy.I dont
39、think either of us is trulyready for the responsibility of.Daddys home.- Uh,Barney,uh,where did you get this baby?- Please.- Did you adopt it?- Please.Do you have a baby guy?Did Guy the guy guy get you a baby guy?Ted,we should get going.No,no,no. Im notgoing anywhere with you.For all I know,I could
40、beaiding and abetting a kidnapping.Bro-daddys not mad. Hesjust being a wittle loud.He wuvs you! Yes,he does!- This is insane!- Youll feel better outside. Come on.- No,I cant. -Yeah. Na-na-na.But then we went outside.Oh,my goodness. What a beautiful baby.Thank you. By the way,myfriend and I,were not
41、a couple.We are two straight guys who are singleand we have a baby. Just so you know.Look at this sweet girl.Hi. I was just telling thisfirst girl,my friend and I,both straight,bothavailable,and we have a baby.Oh,who is this little angel?Okay,real quick: me andhim,not gay,single,have a baby.We shoul
42、d look into having a sign made.Kids,again,we were goingthrough a difficult time.But this part was kind of fun.So cute!- This is awesome.- Right?Robin,come out and talk to us.Im not coming out of this bathroomuntil everyone stops acting crazy!No one is being crazy.Again,for the purposes of this story
43、.Ted and I have a baby. Crazy!What the hell is that?- Guys,this is HurricaneStinson-Mosby. - Mosby-Stinson.You named your babyHurricane? That is.ultimately inconsiderate to thechild who has to live with that name.Okay,how the hell doesBarney have a baby?No idea. Super confused. Im findingit best to just sort of go with it.She