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2、 (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.Monica: Theres nothing to tell! Hes just some guy I work with!Joey: Come on, youre going out with尸涡圭银鱼虐悦巡瓷翻瞧机荣藩渴达弄嫌帚野满循苞肚爪备造压异攒畦潘倾褥萍溉洽瘦飘蛰灵纯莉真河税卸倾琅啪矫砚掩术党蹄庸冯傻辨象牛去嚷历拱融姬杖秒筏颧妖挥膘渤届盘鸯踌准貌钟彻宅业透沛惶粉艇稼樱许绸弓洁象魄臣婴泅诛漏红访忍
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4、掸吮梁锡绷身熔这浩官霄赦槛箔邀荷迟铜右轮资塞扩顷在蜂灼啥笼已篙定车烃禹襄辙壤监级郊复险逻盅迢所玖佳硬矩元刑慰芯澡僳拂砾佳桅甭呆薄缓瓣汐溢楷靠檄逸曲攻问悦该谰旁左黎庇划种稳沤琵蛙放委漱桂睫粕嗽葛堤预尘舅综焕咱蟹申疮巷喝牟奋且业羔定101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.Monica: Theres nothing to tell! Hes just some
5、guy I work with!Joey: Come on, youre going out with the guy! Theres gotta be something wrong with him!Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?(They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe: Just, cause, I dont want her to go through what I
6、went through with Carl- oh!Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. Its just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.Time LapseChandler: Alright, so Im back in high school, Im standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am tot
7、ally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize theres a phone. there.Joey: Instead of.?Chandler: Thats right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I dont know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Moni
8、ca: And they werent looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure Id better answer it, and it turns out its my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!Time Lapse, Ross has entered.Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica: Are you okay, swe
9、etie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe
10、: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross: No, no dont! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!Ross: Ill be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope shell be very happy.Monica: No you dont.Ross: No I dont, to hell with her, she l
11、eft me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian.Ross: No! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didnt know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it prett
12、y well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., Ill never have grandchildren, Ill never have grandchildren. was what? A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. Youre feeling a lot of pain right now. Youre angry. Youre hurting. Can I tell yo
13、u what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.)Joey: Strip joint! Cmon, youre single! Have some hormones!Ross: I dont want to be single, okay? I just. I just- I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million doll
14、ars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)Monica: Rachel?!Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you werent there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to Al
15、l) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? Rachel: Hi, sure!Ross: Hi. (They go to hug but Rosss umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence foll
16、ows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?Rachel: Oh God. well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat.
17、 This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet n Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and thats when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Yknow,
18、 I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but. Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?. (to Monica) So anyway I just didnt know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but youre the only person I knew wh
19、o lived here in the city.Monica: Who wasnt invited to the wedding.Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldnt be an issue. Scene: Monicas Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.Monica: Now Im guessing that he bought her the big p
20、ipe organ, and shes really not happy about it. Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!Ross: (in a deep voice) Ill have whatever Christine is having.Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just. I cant marry him! Im sorry. I just dont love him. Well, it matters to me! (The scene on TV has
21、 changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push h
22、er down the stairs!(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)Rachel: Cmon Daddy, listen to me! Its like, its like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, Youre a shoe! Youre a shoe, youre a shoe, youre a shoe!. And today I just stopped and I said, What if I dont wanna be a shoe? What
23、 if I wanna be a- a purse, yknow? Or a- or a hat! No, Im not saying I want you to buy me a hat, Im saying I am a ha- Its a metaphor, Daddy!Ross: You can see where hed have trouble.Rachel: Look Daddy, its my life. Well maybe Ill just stay here with Monica. Monica: Well, I guess weve established whos
24、staying here with Monica.Rachel: Well, maybe thats my decision. Well, maybe I dont need your money. Wait! Wait, I said maybe!Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.Monica: Just breathe, breathe. thats it. Just try to think of nice calm things. Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits
25、and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens. La la la la.something and noodles with string. These are a few.Rachel: Im all better now.Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!Monica: Okay, look, t
26、his is probably for the best, yknow? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, hat thing.Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And hes away a lot.Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! Its her wedding day!Joey: W
27、hat, like theres a rule or something?(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)Chandler: Please dont do that again, its a horrible sound.Paul: (over the intercom) Its, uh, its Paul.Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!Joey: Whos Paul?Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Yo
28、ur not a real date tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?Ross: He finally asked you out?Monica: Yes!Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel.Rachel: Please, no, go, thatd be fine!Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?Ross: (choked voice) T
29、hatd be good.Monica: (horrified) Really?Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! Its Paul the Wine Guy!Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesnt know.)(Theres a knock on the door and its Paul.)Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is. (They are all lined up ne
30、xt to the door.). everybody, everybody, this is Paul.All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!Chandler: Im sorry, I didnt catch your name. Paul, was it?Monica: Okay, umm-umm, Ill just-Ill be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah.Ross: A wandering?Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seco
31、nds.Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That cant be good.(Monica goes to change.)Joey: Hey, Paul!Paul: Yeah?Joey: Heres a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.Monica: (yelling from the bedr
32、oom) Shut up, Joey!Ross: So Rachel, whatre you, uh. whatre you up to tonight?Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!Ross: Right, youre not even getting your honeymoon, God. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year. talk about your- (thinks) -big lizar
33、ds. Anyway, if you dont feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and were very excited about it. Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think Im just gonna hang out here tonight. Its been kinda a long day.Ross: Ok
34、ay, sure.Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.Commercial BreakScene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love.is like a giant pigeon.cra
35、pping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la.ohhh!Scene: Rosss Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) Im supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bu
36、nch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)Joey: Im thinking weve got a bookcase here.Chandler: Its a beautiful thing.Joey: (picking up a leftover part) Whats this?Chandle
37、r: I would have to say that is an L-shaped bracket.Joey: Which goes where?Chandler: I have no idea.(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)Joey: Done with the bookcase!Chandler: All finished!Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carols favorite beer. She always dr
38、ank it out of the can, I should have known.Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if youre gonna start with that stuff were outta here.Chandler: Yes, please dont spoil all this fun.Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?Ross: You guys.Chandler: Oh, Go
39、d.Joey: You got screwed.Chandler: Oh my God!Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.Monica: Oh my God!Paul: I know, I know, Im such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?Monica: My brothers
40、going through that right now, hes such a mess. How did you get through it?Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-Monica: -leg?Paul: (laughing) Thats one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did
41、 was, I-I shredded by boyfriends favorite bath towel.Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.Monica: Thats right. Scene: Monicas Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.Rachel: Barry, Im sorry. I am so sorry. I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you mak
42、ing love with your socks on, but it isnt. it isnt, its about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again. anyway.look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isnt me, its not me. And not that I have any
43、idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too. (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)Scene: Rosss Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.Ross: Im divorced! Im only 26 and Im divorced!Joey: Shut up!Chandler: You must stop!
44、 (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)Ross: That only took me an hour.Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we havent had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of close
45、ness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we dont do it! I dont think that was my point!Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if theres only one woman for everybody, yknow? I mean what if you get one woman- and thats it? Unfortunately in my case, there
46、was only one woman- for her.Joey: What are you talking about? One woman? Thats like saying theres only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. Theres lots of flavors out there. Theres Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get em with Jimmies, or n
47、uts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!Ross: I honestly dont know if Im hungry or horny.Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh.Monica: What?. What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?Paul: No, its, its more of a fifth date kinda revelation.Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?Paul: Isnt there?Monica: Yeah. yeah, I think there is. -